Thinking To Myself

This seems to be a futile effort. My writing for others is not going to make a difference; no one is reading. Maybe, I should find some pursuit that doesn’t involve chasing money, or women. I’m not even sure if such a thing is possible.

It certainly seems, no one is going to be chasing me. I’ve tested the waters, with a large number of failed efforts to reach the mind of people in this world, that maybe someone would listen?

It seems, if this writing is just for myself; maybe I should write what would be bringing me the most joy? Seems like it is an awful lot of effort to be disregarded. It has not changed, no one really gives a damn. I think, I have reason to believe; they only do it to hurt me.

They don’t want my work to be successful. Therefore, they set up situations where I will fail without any support. And there has been a large amount of indifference shown to what I’m working on.

Maybe my priorities are different then theirs? They seem to be far too busy to think that I will matter. So, they pay no never mind to my work. It is not respected as being of any value. I wonder, what it would take for them to listen to me? It would have to be something really special for them to pay attention.

I’ve struggled for years to make something of myself, and it seems at this point in my life; I’m just a failure of epic proportions. There are some things I’ve become very good at; yet, they are not regarded as being anything special. I think, I would like to get a second opinion.

Because what one person values, is worthless junk to someone else. But you will always find that one person who finds your worthless junk and believes its a real treasure.

I’m not sure if my junk is any good. It all seems to be something to do, but it doesn’t feel like I’m doing anything more than silently talking with myself. Most people are not paying attention, or couldn’t care either way.

So what matters? They value a specific political orientation, with a specific frame of mind, while nothing else will get them to listen. I have reason to believe; they are very narrow minded. Pity.

This system, this environment, its not working for what I want to use it for. It could have some use, maybe someday; if properly cared for. But there would have to be some major house cleaning done to make it better.

I’ve grown as a writer, in the last year my work has progressed a great deal. I would even dare to say it has become actually good. That may just be a matter of my opinion, but to each their own, you know?

I’m not sure what further progress I could make in a year, or five years. This vacuum seems to be holding me tight. There is no way to manually escape this cage. Seems, I’m stuck like this. I will say, it is less than pleasant.

My requests have all been denied. They just turn a deaf ear to my plea’s. As though, I’m not one of them. I wonder if it was them in my situation, how they would feel about having to live this life?

I wonder if they lived my life, if they would see a different side to the problem? Maybe they still wouldn’t care? I wonder!

The things that set us apart, is the difference between those that care, and those that don’t care at all. You would think, someone would have cared? Seems, you have to be really special for someone to care even a fraction.

This vacuum, and my progress, where will it end up going? Will it make a man of me someday? I don’t ever want to be human, may that never happen. Not ever!!

Yet, I wonder if this project will make me anything less or more than what I already have in myself. What good can come from it? Where is it going to end up? Seems there is but one end for all things, that of decay. It helps if one knows when to stop. But, how much is enough? That is a good question!

This article I found sparked a thought, maybe I’m thinking to myself, ever so silently. WRITING ? A SILENT TALKING TO ONESELF

Photo Credit: Photo by Klara Kulikova on Unsplash

Written By: Ctopher Thomas, A Real Misfit

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