Sometimes, I’m A Stranger

I’ve been trying to quit smoking, now some two weeks. Its tough going. Just to let you know, I’ve been smoking cigarettes some twenty years. So these are big changes for me. A lot of tough times. Really, I smoked cigarettes until it killed me. I should have known better.

I want to talk about a problem, or rather a subject that makes me wonder. It seems, I’ve been living with this inferiority complex. You see, growing up; I thought that I had to hold myself to being a Tom Cruise. My life had to look as good as all his movies. And, when things didn’t go as planned, it always made me feel like somehow I wasn’t doing good enough, and that I was a failure.

I’ve seen some days, when the life I have have just gone all wrong. I’ve picked myself back up, but its not been great. I’ve always been feeling like, I’m not good enough for my mortal family. Like, I didn’t live up to their expectations of me.

I’ve dealt with some major setbacks in my life. It’s been rough. I won’t go into all the details of my life in this blog post, however you would think, I would have figured this shit out before now. I’m not Tom Cruise. A lot of people are a lot better than me. I wanted to hold myself to being good enough and capable enough to be that good. But, after looking at my life, it seems I’m failing at my life mission. ??

People, don’t care about what I write, they don’t give a damn what I think. They couldn’t care about the solutions I offer. Maybe, my thoughts are just not ready for others to listen? Maybe, someday.

I’ve been alone, and single a long time. Never really got the kind of satisfaction I was looking for. Never really made myself feel like the kind of man I wanted to be. I will stick with some advice I have given in the past; Always pick the hot knife over the hot mess.

Sometimes, I have learn how to keep my shit together. Life has been rough. I’m learning that I am not perfect, and sometimes, I fail. After all, those movies and actors; they get multiple takes, and everything is always scripted perfectly. Life isn’t like that. If you only get one take, and it has to be perfect, I’m going to have to learn to do better. Got to get myself some talent and skill. Good advice.

Not much going on. Movies are cool. The out takes are pretty funny. Maybe my life will have a few. Hope you have some good laughs about it. I’m tired, and ready to quit this show. It’s got to end. Right quick. Damn it.

Written by: Ctopher Thomas, A Real Misfit

Photo Credit: Photo by Brunno Tozzo on Unsplash

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